i remember back when...

its a thank god moment i got on here, i need to spread some thought.
i dont even know how to start to say what im feeling right now, perhaps ill start it by saying i dont know how i feel.
i do know im angry, and i cant get it out. im not at all suprised at all that i am. and i want myself to know not to blame, to know that this has to do with my idols, what ive been reading lately, things like that, but not their music, theyre creations.
when ive been feeling tired, jealous, angry, lonely, homesick, anything lately, i havent been writing down what i feel, i havnt written a song about the "pain" cause first of all, fuck that, il create a metaphor to express it and it will be better than anything ive written.
what ive been doing when i get emotional, or insomniatic, im watching nostalgic videos on youtube of my favorite band, before 2007. if not that, ill watch LOTMS, or the making of pretty odd, or my most undecided emotionally past-time, reading pete wentz blog.
god knows, the he's a 30 year old boy, who will have a fairly...shall we say bizzare son, and he has some a seed inside him that i thank god for, but he doesnt he knows how to write, and lately he's been whats making me angry. he Personally, doesnt make me angry, meaning what he does, but his anger comes off on to me, and it all it does is amplify any emotion im having, to 11.


i know exactly what i want to be writing right now. i have it all planned out.
i know whats its based upon, how it goes, how it begins, how it ends, and im living it so theres inspiration.

i will come back to tell everyone the first part. hopefully tonight. if not this week.
this week for sure.
im a professional procrastinator.