it worrys me so much that one of my best friends pages wont load right now, since he has battled depression and its not a good fucking sign. i love him, and he knows that, and we're besties, and im worried. plus the fact that my Fucking itunes was just stuck on dane cooks name for 5 minutes, which wasnt that goddamn reasurring either. and i am the movie in the corner of the room is probably just bringing the vibe down too. im actually typing this on wordpad, my shitty asia interweb refuses to load wentz blog which i was just archiving for shit and giggle and a look into a celebs cerebrum. and since that wont load, i cant sign into My blog. which means this may be being posted anywhere from minutes from right now to weeks. and thats ok. my finger still hurts like shit all the time, and unfortunatly, you cant o-d on ibuprofin, which im considering to take 5-6 right now. but for real, my finger is crooked right now, and noone gets that my life is in the frets, hidden between melodies.
on a lighter note, with my new found love of pills, i very well intend on blogging more. shh.... but its alright right now, im still young, i have time to go through this phase before it gets to the point where i forget to stop. itd suck if i missed that, am i right? one not so special world. i dont know what i was thinking when i set this whole shit thing up, i mean i know i intended to create a slight satire of nohartandsole and im like, sure, lets pretend to have angst. but im not that good of an actor, or a singer, even though i try. and i wouldnt have taken a shot at the whole world if i was angry, i would have really pinpointed it down.
but maybe i didnt know why i was angry, why i am still. and like that, its gone. the pain, the anger, the madness. sitting alone with nothing but the sounds of a foreign country at midnight, and the clicking of my laptops keys makes me think more about the words im typing than i normally do. normally, its bullshit. all of it.
lets go sailing in our sea of lies, in a boat built on distrust, with sails made of angst, and a captain named nothing
i completely have lost focus of almost everything.
maybe im just angry at my parents.
maybe im angry at love, not in love with it.
it could be alot of these things.
it could be none of them.
i dont want to say it....
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