so this may or may not be my last blog of the first 12fth of the year 2009.
i dont know, im just feeling lazy lately, and i love mikey way so fucking much.
they took you nightman and you dont belong to themm....
anyways, i just want to tell myself to just slow down my mind, and keep it moving.
i was awake last night or this morning or some shit, and i remember thinking about how my mind is nonstop.
and also how much i love edward gorey today, while looking at art galleries. it was fun.
STARBUCKS.
sorry.
SORROWS.
i have nothing deep and profound to blog about today.
meh
cumm
edye
gha
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
the oldies from the 2000's+
im gonna talk on two main topics before trailing off into nothingness.
first, that everything is always changing.
in 10, 20 odd years from now, everything that we look back on that is now, will be totally wierd. clothing, music, speech, and its impossible to not think how strange that is, too me at least. i want to skip to then, to see how it is then, and how it compares, than compare it to what we compare to now, go from the stones to the ramones, to nirvana to blink 180, to fall out boy, to what ever comes next, and whatever is inspired by that. on a long enough time line, with enough music, everything sounds the same. but im so ok with that, if the average song uses a 4 chord progression, with around 20 chords to use, theres over 100 thousand possibilities, not to mention 3 chords progressions, minor and majors, 7th's, deminished, so though a song can be completely original....i lost track of what the fuck i was even talking about.
thats what happens when u start bullshitting.
the second thing i want to talk about is my fear of what comes after death.
im hoping, after i die, i am woken up in a bed, walked by someone, to a concert, along a pier, to a show where im crowd surfed to the next life. while fall out boy plays tttyg preferably, but i wont complain if it differs (haha)
what i FEAR, is that everything just shuts off like nothing when u die. if the second my heart stops beating, i cant think anymore. im spiritual, i think i have a soul that can be reincarnated, and like ill be able to follow death as it comes, but if i cant, im horrified of the thought. what if its like a flame going out, a book being closed, a screen shutting off. its remembered, acknowledged, but not there anymore, just 0, nothing, off, gone. i want to keep living.
so thats my story tonight.
death could be something
if it was a guarantee
lets not dwell on it.
we're here for our last show, we're playing whether you like it or not.
~cummedyegha-
(i love tttyg, fuct, fad, and i do like ioh, whether anyone else does or doesnt)
first, that everything is always changing.
in 10, 20 odd years from now, everything that we look back on that is now, will be totally wierd. clothing, music, speech, and its impossible to not think how strange that is, too me at least. i want to skip to then, to see how it is then, and how it compares, than compare it to what we compare to now, go from the stones to the ramones, to nirvana to blink 180, to fall out boy, to what ever comes next, and whatever is inspired by that. on a long enough time line, with enough music, everything sounds the same. but im so ok with that, if the average song uses a 4 chord progression, with around 20 chords to use, theres over 100 thousand possibilities, not to mention 3 chords progressions, minor and majors, 7th's, deminished, so though a song can be completely original....i lost track of what the fuck i was even talking about.
thats what happens when u start bullshitting.
the second thing i want to talk about is my fear of what comes after death.
im hoping, after i die, i am woken up in a bed, walked by someone, to a concert, along a pier, to a show where im crowd surfed to the next life. while fall out boy plays tttyg preferably, but i wont complain if it differs (haha)
what i FEAR, is that everything just shuts off like nothing when u die. if the second my heart stops beating, i cant think anymore. im spiritual, i think i have a soul that can be reincarnated, and like ill be able to follow death as it comes, but if i cant, im horrified of the thought. what if its like a flame going out, a book being closed, a screen shutting off. its remembered, acknowledged, but not there anymore, just 0, nothing, off, gone. i want to keep living.
so thats my story tonight.
death could be something
if it was a guarantee
lets not dwell on it.
we're here for our last show, we're playing whether you like it or not.
~cummedyegha-
(i love tttyg, fuct, fad, and i do like ioh, whether anyone else does or doesnt)
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
the finer lines
fyi.
ill stop self-medicating.
when i hear whats on the cabin album.
your call mr. ross.
cummedyegha
ill stop self-medicating.
when i hear whats on the cabin album.
your call mr. ross.
cummedyegha
one in six keep there eyes open
im going to be it
im going to be your everything
and ill be everybody's nothing
i wont sit around watching videos
ill be making them, the ones they watch at night, forgetting themselves
itll be hell
itll be life
and ill be involvedd
ill have a life
not trying to be what someone has created
famous or not
as a group or as a single thing
ll be myself
its been going well
and ill see how i can try to persevere
-spend the rest of your days, rockin out, just for the dead-
{[ill be more than happy to be your coffin mate, if you decide you dont want to bealone]}
cummedyegha
im going to be your everything
and ill be everybody's nothing
i wont sit around watching videos
ill be making them, the ones they watch at night, forgetting themselves
itll be hell
itll be life
and ill be involvedd
ill have a life
not trying to be what someone has created
famous or not
as a group or as a single thing
ll be myself
its been going well
and ill see how i can try to persevere
-spend the rest of your days, rockin out, just for the dead-
{[ill be more than happy to be your coffin mate, if you decide you dont want to bealone]}
cummedyegha
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
back door shenanigans
i hear fireworks+ serenadeing= pants action
but thats only what ive heard
cummedyegha
but thats only what ive heard
cummedyegha
nothing like the if's and the archways
so my family recently decided i dont like them...
true...
but still, i dont act like it.
i just kindof hermit myself to my rooom, chill online and play guitar all day, dont do my homework, and im lovin it.
so thats me. im trying to work something out with a film company.
cummedyegha shitheads.
cummedyegha.
true...
but still, i dont act like it.
i just kindof hermit myself to my rooom, chill online and play guitar all day, dont do my homework, and im lovin it.
so thats me. im trying to work something out with a film company.
cummedyegha shitheads.
cummedyegha.
Monday, January 19, 2009
brandon novak.
i read your book, in case you ever read this.
idea of what youd say if you read my blog.
"this fuckin little 4th grade faggot is in love with me and reads my book like the bible. this fag loves fucin fall out boy and shit and is so dumb and shit"
so thats my best novak.
and i have to say, it is so accurate i scare my fucking self.
i dont really give a shit right now. im supposed to be rockin out a book review of it right now.
me "i read a book"
teacher "good. are you gonna review it for this month"
me "yep" i was like "FUCK YOU" under my breath.
teacher "whats it about?"
me "a heroine addict whos an inspiring dumbass"
teacher "...why dont you not do that"
me "dude, isnt it supposed to be posted to the school sight tonight?"
teacher "yeah, but you've read no other books over the break?"
me " i read a compilation book about bad times and sex-fests"
teacher "i dont think you should do yours still"
me "im doing it anyways"
i remember thinking of bam right then, thinking of him disregarding his mothers advice to not shove anal beads up his ass. i hadnt watched 2.5 in a fuckin while either. so thats later.
i doubt im ever going to talk about anyone on jackass or whos on sirius 28 faction ever again, but i do listen to it weekly, and i feel people should be in on my madness.
i dont want to go back in time to when i was bad fucking worse
all i am now i fucking better and not gonna try to rewind.
it feels like its five, but i know when its 10, and always wake up at six
lets get out of this bitch town, or out of this room, or out of this fucking mess.
highlight everything you see except what you want to get done
and its not another way to drown in a kiddie pool filled with clothes you wont wear.
over covered and under the covers i think ill try to right down forgotten facts
and forgotten facts arent worse, im just wanting to speed up and slow down
speed up and break down.
and break down in nobodys arms but my own.
cummedyegha
idea of what youd say if you read my blog.
"this fuckin little 4th grade faggot is in love with me and reads my book like the bible. this fag loves fucin fall out boy and shit and is so dumb and shit"
so thats my best novak.
and i have to say, it is so accurate i scare my fucking self.
i dont really give a shit right now. im supposed to be rockin out a book review of it right now.
me "i read a book"
teacher "good. are you gonna review it for this month"
me "yep" i was like "FUCK YOU" under my breath.
teacher "whats it about?"
me "a heroine addict whos an inspiring dumbass"
teacher "...why dont you not do that"
me "dude, isnt it supposed to be posted to the school sight tonight?"
teacher "yeah, but you've read no other books over the break?"
me " i read a compilation book about bad times and sex-fests"
teacher "i dont think you should do yours still"
me "im doing it anyways"
i remember thinking of bam right then, thinking of him disregarding his mothers advice to not shove anal beads up his ass. i hadnt watched 2.5 in a fuckin while either. so thats later.
i doubt im ever going to talk about anyone on jackass or whos on sirius 28 faction ever again, but i do listen to it weekly, and i feel people should be in on my madness.
i dont want to go back in time to when i was bad fucking worse
all i am now i fucking better and not gonna try to rewind.
it feels like its five, but i know when its 10, and always wake up at six
lets get out of this bitch town, or out of this room, or out of this fucking mess.
highlight everything you see except what you want to get done
and its not another way to drown in a kiddie pool filled with clothes you wont wear.
over covered and under the covers i think ill try to right down forgotten facts
and forgotten facts arent worse, im just wanting to speed up and slow down
speed up and break down.
and break down in nobodys arms but my own.
cummedyegha
Sunday, January 18, 2009
their world broken forward
i woke up this morning and i just fucking wanted to die.
not kill myself, just die.
and i found an out to that in going back to sleep.
i then proceeded to dream about something in my old hood, mcr had just played a show or something, and i screamed "MCR" at their van which was parked nearly out of my sight, and they started running towards me. and im like, i know this is a dream and if i didnt know it was gerard running towards me, id run away. and he just fucking hugged me, and i remember in my dream thinking "fuck it" and grabbing his ass for a second there. it felt good in the arms of the person who wrote this is the best day ever, and cancer, and everything else. anyways, i then ended up at my grandmas house except it wasnt my grandmas house, it wad my buddy wills, but still my grams house. anyways we were with mikey and he was kindof teasing us, and we made some crack about him babysitting us, and then him and will went inside to cover up us going to the mcr show last night and then i had to leave while mikey and will and his mom made breakfast, and im all fuck that. i also remember kicking in the railing of his porch, that was fun. not to much else happened in my dream.
anywho i awoke from this funderfull wish of a dream into more anger and the day kindof just fuckin went downhill from there.
im gonna write another song soon. maybe when i finally plug my sg in. itll be soon, i hope.
...
i hope.
cummedyegha
not kill myself, just die.
and i found an out to that in going back to sleep.
i then proceeded to dream about something in my old hood, mcr had just played a show or something, and i screamed "MCR" at their van which was parked nearly out of my sight, and they started running towards me. and im like, i know this is a dream and if i didnt know it was gerard running towards me, id run away. and he just fucking hugged me, and i remember in my dream thinking "fuck it" and grabbing his ass for a second there. it felt good in the arms of the person who wrote this is the best day ever, and cancer, and everything else. anyways, i then ended up at my grandmas house except it wasnt my grandmas house, it wad my buddy wills, but still my grams house. anyways we were with mikey and he was kindof teasing us, and we made some crack about him babysitting us, and then him and will went inside to cover up us going to the mcr show last night and then i had to leave while mikey and will and his mom made breakfast, and im all fuck that. i also remember kicking in the railing of his porch, that was fun. not to much else happened in my dream.
anywho i awoke from this funderfull wish of a dream into more anger and the day kindof just fuckin went downhill from there.
im gonna write another song soon. maybe when i finally plug my sg in. itll be soon, i hope.
...
i hope.
cummedyegha
Saturday, January 17, 2009
why the right things happen and dont happen.
it worrys me so much that one of my best friends pages wont load right now, since he has battled depression and its not a good fucking sign. i love him, and he knows that, and we're besties, and im worried. plus the fact that my Fucking itunes was just stuck on dane cooks name for 5 minutes, which wasnt that goddamn reasurring either. and i am the movie in the corner of the room is probably just bringing the vibe down too. im actually typing this on wordpad, my shitty asia interweb refuses to load wentz blog which i was just archiving for shit and giggle and a look into a celebs cerebrum. and since that wont load, i cant sign into My blog. which means this may be being posted anywhere from minutes from right now to weeks. and thats ok. my finger still hurts like shit all the time, and unfortunatly, you cant o-d on ibuprofin, which im considering to take 5-6 right now. but for real, my finger is crooked right now, and noone gets that my life is in the frets, hidden between melodies.
on a lighter note, with my new found love of pills, i very well intend on blogging more. shh.... but its alright right now, im still young, i have time to go through this phase before it gets to the point where i forget to stop. itd suck if i missed that, am i right? one not so special world. i dont know what i was thinking when i set this whole shit thing up, i mean i know i intended to create a slight satire of nohartandsole and im like, sure, lets pretend to have angst. but im not that good of an actor, or a singer, even though i try. and i wouldnt have taken a shot at the whole world if i was angry, i would have really pinpointed it down.
but maybe i didnt know why i was angry, why i am still. and like that, its gone. the pain, the anger, the madness. sitting alone with nothing but the sounds of a foreign country at midnight, and the clicking of my laptops keys makes me think more about the words im typing than i normally do. normally, its bullshit. all of it.
lets go sailing in our sea of lies, in a boat built on distrust, with sails made of angst, and a captain named nothing
i completely have lost focus of almost everything.
maybe im just angry at my parents.
maybe im angry at love, not in love with it.
it could be alot of these things.
it could be none of them.
i dont want to say it....
on a lighter note, with my new found love of pills, i very well intend on blogging more. shh.... but its alright right now, im still young, i have time to go through this phase before it gets to the point where i forget to stop. itd suck if i missed that, am i right? one not so special world. i dont know what i was thinking when i set this whole shit thing up, i mean i know i intended to create a slight satire of nohartandsole and im like, sure, lets pretend to have angst. but im not that good of an actor, or a singer, even though i try. and i wouldnt have taken a shot at the whole world if i was angry, i would have really pinpointed it down.
but maybe i didnt know why i was angry, why i am still. and like that, its gone. the pain, the anger, the madness. sitting alone with nothing but the sounds of a foreign country at midnight, and the clicking of my laptops keys makes me think more about the words im typing than i normally do. normally, its bullshit. all of it.
lets go sailing in our sea of lies, in a boat built on distrust, with sails made of angst, and a captain named nothing
i completely have lost focus of almost everything.
maybe im just angry at my parents.
maybe im angry at love, not in love with it.
it could be alot of these things.
it could be none of them.
i dont want to say it....
Friday, January 16, 2009
listening listening shirt in the closet
so im going to say i give myself some super-uber fucking props on my decision back in fucking august or whenever to make my email thundershelton when in fact my winona talks about the thunder quite about the thunder.
FACE.
true fact, if i was gay, id be an otter.
new years resolution is to blog more so im going to do that.
your reading this, and your thinking, what?
because this will be involved in the puzzle.
itll be almost as magical as we thought P.O. would be
FACE AGAIN RYAN ROSS. FACE AGAIN.
its not that i want you dead, im just going to try to murder you next time we're alone.
so last night was funnn
except time consuming.
im not going into fucking details.
^that makes me laugh.
almost as much as pretty in punk followed by WAMS
fo shizzles pizzle nizzles
cummedyizzles.
FACE.
true fact, if i was gay, id be an otter.
new years resolution is to blog more so im going to do that.
your reading this, and your thinking, what?
because this will be involved in the puzzle.
itll be almost as magical as we thought P.O. would be
FACE AGAIN RYAN ROSS. FACE AGAIN.
its not that i want you dead, im just going to try to murder you next time we're alone.
so last night was funnn
except time consuming.
im not going into fucking details.
^that makes me laugh.
almost as much as pretty in punk followed by WAMS
fo shizzles pizzle nizzles
cummedyizzles.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Thursday, January 1, 2009
i dont feel any different
in the tibetan philosphy, sovia plath sense of the word
we're always different
on cellular, molecular levels, neurologically frequently of course
but i dont FEEL any different
but i sure as hell seem different
i like it?
"quote"
"unquote"
i hope that messes up some java shit
yeah
but i bought a cd
i immediately check out cameos, representation, a&r, label
i was goddamn proud of myself
theres a gray area
but black and white have yet to become less contrasive to me
and im working on rules and boundaries, and of course fuli
cummedyegha
i thought i saw something rip.
we're always different
on cellular, molecular levels, neurologically frequently of course
but i dont FEEL any different
but i sure as hell seem different
i like it?
"quote"
"unquote"
i hope that messes up some java shit
yeah
but i bought a cd
i immediately check out cameos, representation, a&r, label
i was goddamn proud of myself
theres a gray area
but black and white have yet to become less contrasive to me
and im working on rules and boundaries, and of course fuli
cummedyegha
i thought i saw something rip.
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