I Want To Set Myself on Fire and Slit My Own Throat

No, thats only a metaphor for my thoughts on the year respectively.
Perhaps, im just rather depressed around the holidays.
When in reality its my independence kicking in and that only reminds me of my dependence on my friends.
I miss my friends.
I honestly do.
And while im too busy complaining and being a fucking miser, i cant commit to anything.
Not finishing anything today, for the record. Perhaps for the rest of the year.

When valentines day comes around, i'll bring back a few projects i had going for me.
I should really get working, a brigade is working through, and its a perfect fit.

turn back around and get out of
the sandbox and the simplest
manners of reaction
to the simplest smallest actions because
last nights effects on meare inversely proportioned
to the year of 2006
and how time is a circle
and how the walls are closing in
and how time is just a circle
a circle
not a click.

ripped my knees on the ground
as the mistress had an orgasm we
didn't expect everyone to see
how i've been hung on curtains
let's pretend:
"i'm a foolish sailor, and every thing i look at
turns into water
so i never get on shore"
but then again:
"i'm a foolish half-man
im not here to stare but
i need a drink of water
I've just landed upon the shore"

don't, go,
looking around here for something
you know is wrong you know is gone
and yet again it was the night before
she left it here, for him (once more)
he's looking around here for it
you know it's wrong you know it's gone
just again like the night before
he left it here, for her (no more)

Cut Ahead.

Whens the last time i actually smiled at lyrics as sad as this?
but when was it really, the last time i smiled like this?





look down.



i hope i don't forget what this morning what was all about

to the left side and to the right side
either way its a crazy golf course.

Anywhere Is a Good Time For a Cello.

who knowws what is coming.
i think i found something again.

this thing hurts like hell.
but what did you expect.

cummedyegha.
{oh i'm buzzing, quick like, see?}

Pictures Are For the Weak (ergo) I Am Weak As Fuck

Hahahahaha.


Up down up down up down. . .Updown.


So the times they are a changing. Craiggery owens is still here. Sharpies smell the same. The season is the season.


And hoodies and christmas and 8 and lampshades & licorice.


When you can hear nature it's everything on fire +





As soon as i watch this, i'll be right back


( )

if.

oh what a concept...

wildness my friends.

cummedyegha. go sleep.

Hey Moon.

(auch, das wetter ist sehr toll. windig, und schnee, sehr sehr schön.)

Things Tangible Like Books...

Ever dream in musical?

Its not unlike pulling a piano from a pond...

come on, i'm right here.

Its exactly like real life. With some twists.

I just hope luke doesnt get angry with meh.

dissapointment>confiscation

Cummedyegha;

welcome to cummedycember

It's My "Real" Policy

Fuck anyone who goes to china after july 2009.
but that goes without saying.
I'm sick, and stuffy, && couldn't find the ampersand, and all i can smell is tea O_()

My New Pet Lightbulb.

And My greatest ideas of the last few weeks are as follows
-Matching tattoos with a buddy with each others names "Nobody Put's ____ ______ In the Corner"
-Suprise Hash brownies at a buddies party. Post halloween. LOts of fun. but im not entirely ready to start drugging people. I'm not nearly low enough for that. I am definitely low enough to fuck a cello though.
-My hit cd of german translated acoustic silly songs
-My Pet Lightbulb.



Yeah, i get it, im a fag.

cummedyegh-fag
cummedy-yes
cummedylightbulb
Cummedyegha

(almost lost my camera cord fora moment, whew)

I'd Kill, Just to Sing

When everything is going right, theres gotta be something wrong.
I hope that it's me. Because in a few short hours, I know it is.
And most importantly (contrary to what I said just over a year ago)
If you can change it, it will.
I'll leave September with that I think. Hard to believe 13 months can pass that quick.
Just as fast as the year 2013 wont come i suppose.
Bummer. I always wanted a life.
.cummedyegha.cummedyegha.

Lightweight

I admittedely like highschool.
Only when im getting fuct up.

oh yes, the shit has hit the floor.





cummedi(fresh)ha

Im Such a Queen My Friends

Woodstock,
Your Name,
Treble Cleft,
WoShiBuHaiKeYi,
Bass Cleft,
Sing Me a Rainbow,
Steal Me a Dream,
FTW,
Asbestos & Formaldehyde


and thats all we have for now.

How 2006 affected me more so than any year outside of the year than i think any to come.
Which is kindof funny.

Since im probably gonna do it all over again. Hopefully in 2016.
And by it

i mean anything i want.
not anyone, mind you.
but heed my warning; everything thats gonna go down;

is everything they let me down on.



Im maneater, who's sick and tired of life, my lonelyness is killing me, see me let go.
Cant you see the sky turn black and brown. cant you see the moon is flashing round
cant you see me no.

Ho yeah. Its pretty serious.

the fan behind my bed, does exactly as i say.
and just because i cant do everything perfect, doesnt mean ill come undone.






ode.




cummedyegha.

A Differen't Kindof Night

A different kindof knight.
who saves you every way
thats not out to get anyone
like another simple day

and everyone who puts your down
are exactly what they say
and when they become them
is a day everyone will hate

and sing it as soft as you can
a song for nobody
because noone else like you
has ever cried for me

lets get some sleep.
cummedyegha.
live from home, its sunday night.

A Really Big Shitty Fucking Wall

Not the best blur of all time. But its over with and thats all that matters.
36 hours of travel wont keep me down, just out of it completely.

I love the secrets I keep from myself. The treasures and teases, that I've left myself over the years.

When I was younger, every once in a while, when I got some money, and I'd hide it in a book in my room. I've lost alot of money that way I think.

And when going back reading through this monstrosity I call a blog, I seldom know what I'm talking about.

So today, on another day for me to practice sacreligion and my age-old anti-patriotism, let me say this. My Ulysses. come on, lets get high.

My craving to be some deep, dark, bizzare entity, is completely overtaken by me wanting to be a stand up comedian.

Kids, lets get real for a minute. Whisper every once in a while Whats the matter with that. I cant think of anything.



I found a new way baby.

Cummedyegh-La

Those Mountains Looked Like Hills, Those Fields I Knew Well

It's a song that seems to be more than it was when he wrote it down. I dont think he knew that. And it keeps going on, in a good way. Not a bad way, where you wait for the end. You don't know how much time has passed, but it seems like less, and feels way more.

I'm going to read some children books over the summer. For the marrow. Maybe some Edward Gorey, maybe some Winnie the Pooh. Perhaps i hate you.


But I dont think I really hate you.

Just the guy who took my favourite guitar.
A hollow telecaster, to fill the emptiness inside me.

Ironic?
No
Intentional Coincedential?
Only When I Wrote it down.

But i still loved it.




cummedyegha.
x(

I Dont Speak Spanish, But I Know This Song

simplicity is coming back to me again. not quite in the way that phantoms did to me last year, which still haunt me in such an amazing way now, but its still here.
my obsession with how i look, ive found also, is only for myself, not to show anyone else.
what an awful year for me to be gone, but once again ive found a new homecoming song.
which is nice, like so many other things.
if this really is my one hundreth blog, its just 13 months over pretty odd, just over 11 of the palindromobile tour, and just in time for me to wear clothes that make me feel good about myself.
i hope that as you're reading this, you know that ive been so crazy thus far, whence-ever writing, and dont plan to stop. and i think ill always let lyrics dictate melodies.
cummedyegha.

ill probably change.

Happy Doomsday To All

And to all a good night.



this has been a good week, every single day, in the afternoon.
not at all before.
this has been a good week.
this has been a pretty good week.


cummedyegha?
just not right now.

Home Is an Open Window

just you know, waiting around, for everything to catch up to me.
its be soon i beleive.
after it does, ill race to be back on track
id very much enjoy being with someone i can sing a song with
that may not be soon
but its alright
becuase until then
i have a little bit of home.
since home is an open window
on the fourth floor of a dying crowd
its round about its down and out
like thoughts would kill for thoughts could die
and the rest is up to you and eye...

Rainy Misery Rots Deep

Goodness, i hope nothing else will rot on the blog, that would be simply catostrophic. But You'll never know, if I dont.
Ive really been aching to learn the piano recently. I feel like a pianist virgin.
Nothing that exciting to blog about.
Mary Rose Seren Dipity.
Thats all fucks.
I mean folks, sorry.


i give up _p.s_


cummedyegha

I will play, the smallest violin...

well dream of me, when you pass out where your standing
maybe i will.
go do what you need to do.
maybe i will too.
ill see you tomorow
its time for me to sleep for a while
last few nights ive been sleeping less
its cause i dont know what
if i ever figure out how to draw
a murder scene where and when i like
time for an epiphany of the extreme
level out silhouettes for smiles
.
next week i wont just write bullshite.
ill pick out some pretty words for myself.
-
-
cummedyeghwho?

The Sleeping Masks

I actually have been gone more days this year than Ive been home.
which makes me wonder-
if i dont call where im living home, am i living here?

Im sick of hating that crack of light that gets through my curtains
probably because its the reason i lie to myself and tell me will keep me awake at night
I'll sleep anyways, or not sleep.
but if im honest with why i do or dont
will anything really change, when its all flipped around?


Thinking about running around a theatre.
or running away
which isnt the first time.
for the theatre thing- but away still sounds nice

i dont think id love the music i like nearly as much, if id hated last year half as much as i hate it now during last year. i thought it was the shit last year, i thought I was the SHIT.just goes to prove u how wrong those stereotypes can be. its kindof like, you cant see how hot that grill actually is, but you can see how Hot, that grill Actually is.

ill go sleep now.

and think about how much noone really misses me whenever i miss them,
or half as much as i think ill miss everyone else.

the point is nothing.

cry me now. love me later.

all of the above.

cummedyeghate

cummedycacophony

cummeyegha.

Framed in Shame.

But my favourite word is most certainly not My own name.
Parade, or glucose, or necromancy perhaps, to name a few.
Or skullfuck.

Second title, if anyone every tells me what im talking about, they get a free SG. from me.

Cumm edyeg ha.

Coffee, Capo's, Condoms and Deuteronomy

I'm going where Im going,
Adress me to your favourite time of day.
I'll peel another shade of skin off my back
I was sunburnt by the moon.






Thailand.



Cummedyegha.
(with emphasis on the cum/ye-haw)

The Nasty Smile.

I dont want to pretend the words are something their not.
At the same time, so badly I want them to just be.
We're still trying though.
And it'll make me smile a bit.

When I'm punched in the throat, you're the one who'll get fucked up.
I miss you, like a poor archer.
And I love you like the archers wife.

Im around for whenever we dont need me.
Weather forbid I can't find where I'm going.
Rest in peace.
We all know you probably got in.

The best of the best.
Will require only the basics.
And as long as we keep that up.
The drawers are full and my heart can drain.

An axis, an axis, itll tilt both ways
why dont we close the checkbook on that deal
Maybe its because im afraid of that doorknob turning
that I shut off the lights.


Cummedyegha, meet Larch.

This Uninspiring Flicker in My Ill-Inspired Head

i suppose a get over it would be necessary.
being sick is the worst.
and id rather be having fever-dreams than none at all
theyre what keep me moving all day long.
that and my hodge-podge boot-leg smashing pumpkin cd
especially on my 3d bed ridden day in a row.
but its not like a want to go outside.
just want a little peace. away from the headaches,
and all of the nervous thoughts in my mind.

i had pretty bad asthma when i was younger.
and i never once thought "what if i die?!?"
if i had wondered that, where would it have taken me?
maybe somewhere else. but if im going to go back in time
and make some alteration to my life, i already have.
so this is the way im gonna be. time travel perplexes me.
im pretty lucky though, my friend found the secret to life.



so ive got that going for me.




which is nice.





cummedyeghA

You Are My Love, the Cosmonaut

i wish i had something beautiful to say about my love and faith in music.

i dont, except i love and have faith in music, always being there for me.

every musician ever, i tip my hat to you all, every night i shall ever hear a note.






hidden words have no less meaning than
a word you dont understand
whats the point in my being
another sad old amsterand




qCrUsMtEiDlYnExGjHkAz

And Here I thought I was looking far worse...

Goodnight moon, goodbye sun
if there was room for anyone
than why did they not let me in
its written all over my hidden oh good fight.
jay is only slight to ex today, why is that?
and while im simply dying in love,
over 50% of what you love will never love you back
(maybe it just wont love me, not You)
gag me with a spoon, mrs. "sleep all night young"
i hope your husband cheats on you with his enemies.
and while you watch me throw another amplifier out the window
ill be smirking about you
you, you clearly dont know how little i paid or cared about it.
just because me, myself, and my mind had some good times
doesnt mean i meant what i said, or said what i meant
most likely scenario:
dr. jekel was just as evil as mr. hyde, just like all two-faced masks
that dark side was the evil shown,
the good side was probably more bad, it just had better secrets


well im just not going to die.
until monsters come through the floor.


cummedyegha (hand me that shotgun)

It took half the time for your intense disposition to put me out

As it took to light a meager fire beneath my racing little feet.

How sweet was today?





Ue YEA


cummedyegha

Dude, I'm FUCT

in the past 2 years of playing guitar (oh sure, i took lessons, but i never really played)i cannot once remember putting down my guitar from pain. or at least just having any pain like this.
when i started really playing summer 07, it was like, yeah, owe, im sortof a guitar virgin, who's only touched himself before, and now has officially masturbated. i think about last summer, i really started getting it on, with my guitar, and my fingers were as callased as keith richards. well no, im not sure he has "real" fingers... anywho
i left, for nearly 2 months, i didnt play, fingers were back to the quality of a noOb (haha, noobs) but i picked up my guitars, played for a week straight until i was back tomorow, no complaining, no shit, nothing

AND NOT TO MENTION
when my finger succumbed to that injury whence the finger was indeed broken and splinted, and with my homecoming being soon, learning my holiday songs was nothing a hand injury would deny me of.

i just attempted to get my FUCT on, try to really understand the cork tree, and halfway through, this pain that ive never felt began to run through my fucking finger on my left hand, made me set down my guitar.
have i been playing to much lately?
or is there something to from under... that shouldnt be copied, for any purpose...something sacred and profane and grammatical and bizarre...

maybe i need a life, and to stop being a freaky little hermit, and to set down the beast for a few days.

i also hope the MCR will play this is the best day ever at least one more time.

cummedyegh-luv

The Nonsense Bar Has Been Raised

When i die, i dont know, i want my funeral pretty fucking special.
i want black and white roses ONLY
they can make them. probably
maybe not. who knows.
i ALSO WOULD LIKE
Helena to be played.
ON THE BAGPIPES
and then it can be covered during the afterparty
thats all i got right now.

i dont know. i think im gonna go on once i die. i just have slight doubt in the back of my mind that makes me sad because im afraid i wont.
positive thinking baby.

oh, im closer to me than yesterday. more tomorow hopefully. doubtful, cause not much will change

cummedyegha lovers

sell out like a traffic cone.

so i did sell out
i was boycotting blogging till wentzy poo went for it.
bitch didnt
i did.
oh, dane cook isnt quite the douche bag we think.

no downward confessions of my depression or life, or upward confessions of how happy i am. just some thoughts about extraterrestrials.
oh and also, im slowly becoming a man. =] teehee

boycott, reinvent, tell will your in love with it.


cummmedyegha.



this is just about nothing now isnt it.

These Girls...

what is it with these girls
all of them with interest in me also have interest in

~overly expressing emotions
~god
~horses
~makeup
~crying
~me

god damn, i just dont like that, its wierd...shit man....


fucking life these days....ive really had ENOUGH OF YOU


cummedey fuck you

Rot's Like Revenge

screaming as loud as i can
while still not screaming at all.
=/
perhaps its that southern wail of j rod
or that not so emo-screamo of the oh-so emo pete
or the glorious scratch from four year strong
and sonny's belt from first to last.

idk, i wanna get my own scream.

so i can yell as loud as i fucking want to to anyone.

and they'll look down and say


thats ford









cummedy mother fucking yegha

The Kindof Shit I'm into...

Will get you fucked up in Detroit...

Ive never seen time change like it just did...not even on new years.

havent blogged in a little over a week.
that word doesnt even mean anything to me, so whatever.
fuck its hard to say anything meaningful while unexpected places is playing.
Santi > Fast Times
Santi > Almost Here
ALmost Here> Fast times.

my thoughts on life.

i didnt know the academy is could write something as deep and amazing as santi, then came fast times, a poppy bizzare just dissapointing follow up. if its the same as the FOB transition, TTTYG, FUCT, IOH, FAD, ill be ok with it since theyll have their fad, but if not idk how much ill be listening to them.

are panic recording? whats the next show im going to see? why have i been writing less? is that jon walker backing ryan in She had the World (YES)?

im never ever going to forgive the high court for breaking up. until i die, it will be a sin in my mind that they broke up. unexceptable.


if you want to here rock and roll, slow and acoustic, beautiful and blue-grass, moving and musical, right and wrong, and not at all
just go ahead and write it wrong and sing your song because its all on you.


cummedyegha friends

i remember back when...

its a thank god moment i got on here, i need to spread some thought.
i dont even know how to start to say what im feeling right now, perhaps ill start it by saying i dont know how i feel.
i do know im angry, and i cant get it out. im not at all suprised at all that i am. and i want myself to know not to blame, to know that this has to do with my idols, what ive been reading lately, things like that, but not their music, theyre creations.
when ive been feeling tired, jealous, angry, lonely, homesick, anything lately, i havent been writing down what i feel, i havnt written a song about the "pain" cause first of all, fuck that, il create a metaphor to express it and it will be better than anything ive written.
what ive been doing when i get emotional, or insomniatic, im watching nostalgic videos on youtube of my favorite band, before 2007. if not that, ill watch LOTMS, or the making of pretty odd, or my most undecided emotionally past-time, reading pete wentz blog.
god knows, the he's a 30 year old boy, who will have a fairly...shall we say bizzare son, and he has some a seed inside him that i thank god for, but he doesnt he knows how to write, and lately he's been whats making me angry. he Personally, doesnt make me angry, meaning what he does, but his anger comes off on to me, and it all it does is amplify any emotion im having, to 11.


i know exactly what i want to be writing right now. i have it all planned out.
i know whats its based upon, how it goes, how it begins, how it ends, and im living it so theres inspiration.

i will come back to tell everyone the first part. hopefully tonight. if not this week.
this week for sure.
im a professional procrastinator.

just two men sharing the night

so this may or may not be my last blog of the first 12fth of the year 2009.
i dont know, im just feeling lazy lately, and i love mikey way so fucking much.
they took you nightman and you dont belong to themm....
anyways, i just want to tell myself to just slow down my mind, and keep it moving.
i was awake last night or this morning or some shit, and i remember thinking about how my mind is nonstop.
and also how much i love edward gorey today, while looking at art galleries. it was fun.
STARBUCKS.
sorry.
SORROWS.
i have nothing deep and profound to blog about today.
meh
cumm
edye
gha

the oldies from the 2000's+

im gonna talk on two main topics before trailing off into nothingness.

first, that everything is always changing.
in 10, 20 odd years from now, everything that we look back on that is now, will be totally wierd. clothing, music, speech, and its impossible to not think how strange that is, too me at least. i want to skip to then, to see how it is then, and how it compares, than compare it to what we compare to now, go from the stones to the ramones, to nirvana to blink 180, to fall out boy, to what ever comes next, and whatever is inspired by that. on a long enough time line, with enough music, everything sounds the same. but im so ok with that, if the average song uses a 4 chord progression, with around 20 chords to use, theres over 100 thousand possibilities, not to mention 3 chords progressions, minor and majors, 7th's, deminished, so though a song can be completely original....i lost track of what the fuck i was even talking about.
thats what happens when u start bullshitting.

the second thing i want to talk about is my fear of what comes after death.
im hoping, after i die, i am woken up in a bed, walked by someone, to a concert, along a pier, to a show where im crowd surfed to the next life. while fall out boy plays tttyg preferably, but i wont complain if it differs (haha)
what i FEAR, is that everything just shuts off like nothing when u die. if the second my heart stops beating, i cant think anymore. im spiritual, i think i have a soul that can be reincarnated, and like ill be able to follow death as it comes, but if i cant, im horrified of the thought. what if its like a flame going out, a book being closed, a screen shutting off. its remembered, acknowledged, but not there anymore, just 0, nothing, off, gone. i want to keep living.

so thats my story tonight.



death could be something
if it was a guarantee
lets not dwell on it.



we're here for our last show, we're playing whether you like it or not.

~cummedyegha-
(i love tttyg, fuct, fad, and i do like ioh, whether anyone else does or doesnt)

the finer lines

fyi.


ill stop self-medicating.


when i hear whats on the cabin album.


your call mr. ross.


cummedyegha

one in six keep there eyes open

im going to be it
im going to be your everything
and ill be everybody's nothing
i wont sit around watching videos
ill be making them, the ones they watch at night, forgetting themselves
itll be hell
itll be life
and ill be involvedd
ill have a life
not trying to be what someone has created
famous or not
as a group or as a single thing
ll be myself
its been going well
and ill see how i can try to persevere






-spend the rest of your days, rockin out, just for the dead-


{[ill be more than happy to be your coffin mate, if you decide you dont want to bealone]}


cummedyegha

back door shenanigans

i hear fireworks+ serenadeing= pants action





but thats only what ive heard


cummedyegha

nothing like the if's and the archways

so my family recently decided i dont like them...
true...
but still, i dont act like it.
i just kindof hermit myself to my rooom, chill online and play guitar all day, dont do my homework, and im lovin it.

so thats me. im trying to work something out with a film company.

cummedyegha shitheads.
cummedyegha.

brandon novak.

i read your book, in case you ever read this.
idea of what youd say if you read my blog.
"this fuckin little 4th grade faggot is in love with me and reads my book like the bible. this fag loves fucin fall out boy and shit and is so dumb and shit"

so thats my best novak.
and i have to say, it is so accurate i scare my fucking self.
i dont really give a shit right now. im supposed to be rockin out a book review of it right now.

me "i read a book"
teacher "good. are you gonna review it for this month"
me "yep" i was like "FUCK YOU" under my breath.
teacher "whats it about?"
me "a heroine addict whos an inspiring dumbass"
teacher "...why dont you not do that"
me "dude, isnt it supposed to be posted to the school sight tonight?"
teacher "yeah, but you've read no other books over the break?"
me " i read a compilation book about bad times and sex-fests"
teacher "i dont think you should do yours still"
me "im doing it anyways"

i remember thinking of bam right then, thinking of him disregarding his mothers advice to not shove anal beads up his ass. i hadnt watched 2.5 in a fuckin while either. so thats later.

i doubt im ever going to talk about anyone on jackass or whos on sirius 28 faction ever again, but i do listen to it weekly, and i feel people should be in on my madness.


i dont want to go back in time to when i was bad fucking worse
all i am now i fucking better and not gonna try to rewind.
it feels like its five, but i know when its 10, and always wake up at six
lets get out of this bitch town, or out of this room, or out of this fucking mess.
highlight everything you see except what you want to get done
and its not another way to drown in a kiddie pool filled with clothes you wont wear.
over covered and under the covers i think ill try to right down forgotten facts
and forgotten facts arent worse, im just wanting to speed up and slow down
speed up and break down.
and break down in nobodys arms but my own.

cummedyegha

their world broken forward

i woke up this morning and i just fucking wanted to die.
not kill myself, just die.
and i found an out to that in going back to sleep.

i then proceeded to dream about something in my old hood, mcr had just played a show or something, and i screamed "MCR" at their van which was parked nearly out of my sight, and they started running towards me. and im like, i know this is a dream and if i didnt know it was gerard running towards me, id run away. and he just fucking hugged me, and i remember in my dream thinking "fuck it" and grabbing his ass for a second there. it felt good in the arms of the person who wrote this is the best day ever, and cancer, and everything else. anyways, i then ended up at my grandmas house except it wasnt my grandmas house, it wad my buddy wills, but still my grams house. anyways we were with mikey and he was kindof teasing us, and we made some crack about him babysitting us, and then him and will went inside to cover up us going to the mcr show last night and then i had to leave while mikey and will and his mom made breakfast, and im all fuck that. i also remember kicking in the railing of his porch, that was fun. not to much else happened in my dream.

anywho i awoke from this funderfull wish of a dream into more anger and the day kindof just fuckin went downhill from there.
im gonna write another song soon. maybe when i finally plug my sg in. itll be soon, i hope.
...
i hope.


cummedyegha

why the right things happen and dont happen.

it worrys me so much that one of my best friends pages wont load right now, since he has battled depression and its not a good fucking sign. i love him, and he knows that, and we're besties, and im worried. plus the fact that my Fucking itunes was just stuck on dane cooks name for 5 minutes, which wasnt that goddamn reasurring either. and i am the movie in the corner of the room is probably just bringing the vibe down too. im actually typing this on wordpad, my shitty asia interweb refuses to load wentz blog which i was just archiving for shit and giggle and a look into a celebs cerebrum. and since that wont load, i cant sign into My blog. which means this may be being posted anywhere from minutes from right now to weeks. and thats ok. my finger still hurts like shit all the time, and unfortunatly, you cant o-d on ibuprofin, which im considering to take 5-6 right now. but for real, my finger is crooked right now, and noone gets that my life is in the frets, hidden between melodies.

on a lighter note, with my new found love of pills, i very well intend on blogging more. shh.... but its alright right now, im still young, i have time to go through this phase before it gets to the point where i forget to stop. itd suck if i missed that, am i right? one not so special world. i dont know what i was thinking when i set this whole shit thing up, i mean i know i intended to create a slight satire of nohartandsole and im like, sure, lets pretend to have angst. but im not that good of an actor, or a singer, even though i try. and i wouldnt have taken a shot at the whole world if i was angry, i would have really pinpointed it down.
but maybe i didnt know why i was angry, why i am still. and like that, its gone. the pain, the anger, the madness. sitting alone with nothing but the sounds of a foreign country at midnight, and the clicking of my laptops keys makes me think more about the words im typing than i normally do. normally, its bullshit. all of it.

lets go sailing in our sea of lies, in a boat built on distrust, with sails made of angst, and a captain named nothing

i completely have lost focus of almost everything.
maybe im just angry at my parents.
maybe im angry at love, not in love with it.
it could be alot of these things.
it could be none of them.

i dont want to say it....

.

im going to go ahead 164 days from now i might cry.

listening listening shirt in the closet

so im going to say i give myself some super-uber fucking props on my decision back in fucking august or whenever to make my email thundershelton when in fact my winona talks about the thunder quite about the thunder.
FACE.

true fact, if i was gay, id be an otter.

new years resolution is to blog more so im going to do that.
your reading this, and your thinking, what?
because this will be involved in the puzzle.
itll be almost as magical as we thought P.O. would be
FACE AGAIN RYAN ROSS. FACE AGAIN.

its not that i want you dead, im just going to try to murder you next time we're alone.



so last night was funnn

except time consuming.





im not going into fucking details.


^that makes me laugh.
almost as much as pretty in punk followed by WAMS





fo shizzles pizzle nizzles

cummedyizzles.

it is time for avenues to merge, and wallets to splurge

;)







cummedyegha.








fuckers.

i dont feel any different

in the tibetan philosphy, sovia plath sense of the word
we're always different
on cellular, molecular levels, neurologically frequently of course
but i dont FEEL any different
but i sure as hell seem different
i like it?
"quote"

"unquote"
i hope that messes up some java shit
yeah
but i bought a cd
i immediately check out cameos, representation, a&r, label

i was goddamn proud of myself



theres a gray area
but black and white have yet to become less contrasive to me
and im working on rules and boundaries, and of course fuli


cummedyegha
i thought i saw something rip.